Maybe it’s Maybelline

Maybe it’s the fact that I have to be strong for everyone around me.

Maybe it’s the fact that people make a scene of me smoking when they’re the one’s stressing me out to the point of itching for a cigarette.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m organizing something I feel is amazing and no one around me seems to care or give a shit,

Maybe its the fact that those same people are blaming me for not being “clear” enough, when they haven’t even asked a question.

Maybe it’s the fact that every time I have to “talk a bit about myself” I have to start with “Well I fucked up……but I’m trying to do better…” and see the look of disbelief on everyone’s face.

Maybe it’s the fact my parents are moving away but still have the audacity to call me crying saying they put the house on the market like this is my decision/fault.

Maybe it’s the fact that the people I care about most haven’t hit me up on a personal level in months.

Maybe it’s the fact I’m bitter about situations that don’t concern me anymore.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m always wrong when it comes to you.

Maybe it’s the fact that I almost started crying and threw up while presenting at a meeting tonight not due to nerves, but because everything’s wrong and I can’t ever find a way to fix everything with everyone. I couldn’t even form sentences for a good 10 seconds. 

Maybe it’s the fact no one says thank you anymore. No one appreciates. No one cares.

Maybe it’s that text I received tonight, “I feel better already just by not talking to you.”

Maybe it’s the fact that even though I have to take care of everyone else, no one stops to take care of me. 

Maybe it’s the fact that lately I’m on edge more than I was before and I’m walking a thin line but can’t tell anyone because then they’ll tell me “Oh you’re too busy you shouldn’t be doing your job” when my job is the only thing I’m good at. I don’t have anything else. All I can/want to do is help others.

Maybe it’s the fact I texted you breaking down two hours before you were being kind of a bitch to me and you didn’t even respond. However whenever you need me I’m there. When you needed me for hours on end, who listened? Me. Is it selfish to ask the same? 

Maybe it’s the fact that you don’t understand that communication is a two way street, not just “my problem.”

Maybe it was a mistake. I wasn’t supposed to make it past my past. 

Maybe it’s Maybelline. 

Fuck it, maybe it’s Maybelline.